Gift Giving and Receiving

This is a topic that has been on my mind a lot lately, mostly because of the amazing amount of gifts that people have given to Matilda.  Also, my friend Jen's recent blog posts.  Check out her post from today.

We did not have a baby shower for Matilda.  I didn't want one because we didn't need any baby stuff and the primary purpose of a baby shower is to get stuff. 

My friends in El Paso surprised me with a few baby gifts the week before we left while we were having a Girls' Night Out at Olive Garden.  I really appreciated their thoughtfulness.

Here in Tacoma, my mom decided to host an open house so everyone could come and meet Matilda and hang out with the whole family.  To me, an open house is not a gift giving occasion.  Everyone brought gifts.  And not just for Mati.  Almost everyone also brought Julian a gift and several brought gifts for my niece and nephew too.  This was very generous but I didn't want people to bring gifts.

I know that sounds horrible but I'm not a good gift receiver.  I'm just not and never have been.  You can ask my mother.  I returned many a gift throughout the years.  Since Mati is only 2 months old, I am the one receiving gifts on her behalf.  I have to write the thank you notes (a task I absolutely detest) and I have to be gracious and polite about the gifts. 

Now it's not that I don't appreciate the kindness that people are showing.  It's just that I am extremely, extremely picky.  Especially when it comes to anything for my children. 

Here's an example:  I only buy 100% cotton pajamas for my kids, ones that have not been treated with flame retardants.  Natural fibers are not as flammable as polyester and other synthetics so they don't have to be treated with flame retardants (which are nasty toxic chemicals that children should not be exposed to).   Infant sleepers are not treated with flame retardants but I still don't want my baby wearing polyester fleece.   We were given lots of fleece (and not a single gift receipt).   So I donated the gifts to several other needy families. 

If you want to buy a gift for a baby, do not buy clothes.  Everyone buys clothes and the new parents don't get things they really need (like diapers, wipes, babysitting and a night out).   If you absolutely must buy some totally adorable outfit, then at least give a gift receipt so they can exchange the outfit for something they really need.  That might sound tacky but a baby grows so quickly that often they don't have time to wear all their new clothes so other gifts are way more practical.  A new baby really only needs a few onesies and sleepers in each size for the first several months. 

So please don't buy anything for my kids.  Seriously, don't buy them anything.  They don't need it.  If they do need something, their grandparents will get it for them if I haven't gotten it fast enough.

For me, I don't want candles, lotions or bath products, jewelry, clothing, or anything that will take up space in my home.  If you love me, don't give me anything.  If you must give me something, make it a Barnes and Noble gift card so I can download new books to my Nook and there is nothing more to clutter my house.  (Amazon gift cards are also fine because I buy a lot of music from there and I find other obscure things that I can't get elsewhere.)  Someone please tell my husband this.

I have always loved the other side of the equation - gift giving.  For many years, I have tried to put a lot of thought into what the recipient needs or wants.  I always ask my family members what they would like for Christmas and birthdays and I make a list.  Sometimes I end up giving gift cards but only ones that I know will get used.   Gift cards aren't always a great gift.  I have a $50 WalMart gift card just sitting around in an envelope because WalMart is not convenient here and even if it was, I am not a WalMart shopper.  I am a Target shopper.  It was a generous gift but if it's not being used, it's not a good gift. 

I used to travel a lot and I would buy gifts for my family and friends on every trip.  I didn't just buy whatever touristy crap I could find though.  I had fun finding beautiful scarves, tasty snacks, cookbooks, toys, wood carvings, etc.  Each item was lovingly selected by me for each individual.  Gifts are definitely one of my love languages but now I've realized that people don't need (or want) the stuff.  The best gifts I have received lately are those of service. 

So don't buy gifts for Christmas this year, give of yourself.  Make a meal, babysit, clean someone's house, send a nice handwritten letter to let a friend know you're thinking of them.   If you don't get any gifts, be happy that you don't have to spend time taking care of that stuff.